At some point in our lives we all face the death of someone close to us. Some may face it at a young age, while others may not face it until they are adults. I had my first face-to-face with death this past June. On June 27, I lost my best friend. I lost my Nanny. It was very sudden, and it seemed all to quick. She passed away at the young age of 74. The plan was for her to be cremated and to have a “celebration of life” once the whole family was back in town and back in the country from business trips. Of course, like most good intentions, it never happened. My father knew it was something that would never happen. He said it would be like ripping off the band-aid of a freshly healing wound. No body would want to open back up their box of grief. Fortunately for me, unlike most people I had the opportunity to say goodbye to her the night before she passed due to the circumstances of the situation; however, I have not had the chance to mourn and move on because there was never a funeral or final goodbye to put her to rest. Little things will set me in tears because I still cannot believe she is not a phone call away anymore.
Well today, I was out to lunch with my sister and we were catching up and talking about things since we no longer live in the same city. We were discussing Christmas and the holidays when the subject of the gifts from my Papa (my Nanny’s husband) came up. My present was accidentally picked up by my aunt, and she called to tell me she would send it to me through my mother who she would be seeing this week. (I had missed the family Christmas gathering due to work…life as an RN.) My sister informed me that my Nanny had bought our Christmas present before she had died, and the presents were in fact from her. I had already come to terms that I would never have anything from her again. The things she had given me before she died I had stopped using because I did not want them to go away. Today my grief came rushing back in, knowing my Nanny made that decision before she died to buy Christmas EXTREMELY early, and as a result was a part of our holiday when the whole family needed her the most. It amazes me how everyday little reminders that God is here show up in my life like that. He is reminding me that He is taking care of my Nanny while still looking out for us as we try to face a year of firsts without her here. I will always cherish those “gifts from above” more than anything. They are humbling to me. They remind me that I do not have to face anything in this life alone. Some days I know my guardian angel team is working overtime, other times they catch a bit of a break. Today, I am just blessed to be remembered.
Love and God Bless,